Excerpts from the Treasure Chest of tools:


Avoid Gossipy Situations

"Excuse me, I need to freshen up my drink."
"I just can't make it to the cafeteria for lunch today."
"I can't talk on the phone right now."
"I'd love to join you, but I have to get some work done."
"I'm going to he late for an appointment; I'll see you later."

     When it's you against the crowd, the crowd usually wins. Best solution: Ditch out. If you're not there, you can't gossip, and you can't hear their gossip either!

     Sometimes we know in advance that a group of friends is going to engage in one big gossip session. They may not intend to gossip maliciously; it might just be ignorance of the damage that negative speech caus-es. But we don't have to subject ourselves to it. If we fear that being absent will cause the group to talk about us, we have to consider if these are the kind of friends we want.


Think Twice

     A mother erupts: "Julie! Get in here right now! Did you color on this wall? You good-for-nothing little..."
But if she thought twice, she'd take a deep breath, hand the child a wet dishtowel with which to scrub the wall, and say, "Julie, let's clean this together and it would be nice if you said I'm sorry"

Or…
     A shocked wife exclaims: "That's all the money we have left? What kind of husband are you!? You stupid, horrible…"
But if she thought twice, she might say, "I need some water," as she leaves the room to cool off.

Or…
     An employer shouts: "I told you to get that report in by five! What kind of an idiotic failure…"
But if he thought twice, he might say instead, "Is there any way you can finish it tonight?"

     It is so amazing how, in a heated moment, it seems as if our words have a power of their own. It seems as if we will burst if we don't say what we feel like saying. The shocking news is that if we wait less than five seconds, the potency of the desire to crush somebody usually passes!

     You may still be upset about the issue, and still need to discuss it, but what an awesome gift it is that if you just conquer that five-second feeling, you will save so much anguish.

     Yelling at someone might get you what you want for the moment, but if you stop to plan what you are going to say, you will have a much better chance of getting what you want both now and in the future. You, and every-one around you, will be much happier.

      People often speak badly of others simply because they are angry and venting is the fastest way to relieve their tension. If they managed to keep their anger in check, they would actually get a lot more support from the people around them.